so here's the deal.
i am not skinny.
Now I am not saying that I am overweight, but I am saying that I am definitely far from fit. This has been a very hard pill for me to swallow. I have NEVER had a problem with my weight or not being "fit"...in high school I was called Ethiopian because I was so skinny just to give you an idea. After having Becks, I bounced back. After having Crew, I REALLY bounced back. I actually weighed less that I did before I got pregnant with Beck. After Kingsley, there was no bouncing back.
zilch. nada. zero.
I'm not much for taking pics of myself in a swimsuit, so there will be no pics today. But...I will tell you that I weigh 150 lbs. (my normal weight is 120) and my BMI is well over 20% (normally under 20). I think there are a lot of "life" factors that have contributed to me gaining the weight, but I'm definitely to the point where I'm over it.
Last Monday, I went to the gym for the first time in a LONG time. I did two miles of cardio and my first Zumba class. Tuesday more cardio and another class. Wednesday same. Thursday same. Friday, I took off. Saturday I started a Zumba class. It was in the middle of the Zumba class that I realized if I really want to achieve the results I'm desiring, then dancing around for an hour ain't gonna cut it.
nothing against Zumba. it was actually a decent work out and I enjoyed it, but I'm looking to build muscle and well, I don't think it's going to happen in a Zumba class.
I walked out of Zumba half way through the class (hadn't even broke a sweat) and walked up the personal trainer desk and looked around at the girls. I picked the one who I thought had the fittest body, got her attention and just said, "I want you to train me". 10 min and some credit card info. later, I had an appt. set up for tmrw @ 9.
I'm so excited to have accountability. I'm so excited to have someone tell me what I need to do. And I'm so excited to be happy about my body again. I know that a lot of people would look at me and say that I'm crazy for being insecure about my body, but just because I may be more in shape than some, doesn't mean that I'm automatically supposed to be happy. My kickboxing teacher told me the other day that skinny people look great in clothes; fit people look great naked.
i want to look good naked. and i don't. and i've lost my will to suck it in.
it takes a lot of work to suck it in 24-7, 365 freakin days a year.
as I type this, my workout clothes are washing and I am awaiting for the hubs to get back from the bbq joint down the road.
don't judge. one last hoorah never hurt anyone.
I don't believe in depriving myself. I love food too much to go one some crazy diet. I thought about juicing all week, but that lasted all of an hour.
so wish me luck and I promise to keep you updated!
all pics via.