y'all were getting excited there for a second, weren't you?
i'm not pregnant.
I really want to be.
no I don't.
I CANNOT DECIDE!
I have major baby bug. LIKE MAJOR. I have zero idea what's happening to me. After having Kingsley and getting through the sleepless nights, nursing and dragging a carseat around with me everywhere I go, I knew it was time for a break. I have been pregnant, had a child at home with me or both at the same time for the past 8 years. I have loved
almost every moment of being at home with my kids, but I was ready for some free time...and while it hurt my heart for Kings to go to preschool, I couldn't wait for the sweet freedom that came along with it!
Kings has been in school since September and here we are in January and all I can think of is BABY. There has never been a question that we would have at least 4. I love the idea of having a big family.
So the question now, is when? When do we jump back in? Not to divulge TMI, but we don't use birth control at all. Reasons why are for another post, another time. So we are always prepared that it could happen anytime, but so far, so good. I know there will never be a perfect time to decide "it's time". I always consider the age between Kingsley and our next child. I want them to be close like Beckham and Crew are and I fear the longer we wait, they won't be close to each other. One thing I definitely want to wait for is a home...rather a house. Brandon and I are talking about building sometime later this year and I think it would be best to wait until the house is finished. We live in a town home right now and I am grateful for our home, but I feel like we are constantly on top of each other. I want my kids to have a back yard and a basement.
When the time does come, I will handle the process completely differently than before. I know the older you are and more kids you have under your belt, the less your body "bounces back" after delivery so I'm going to be more cognizant of what I eat and being active. I have also decided I won't be induced. I have always been induced because I wanted my family to be there and while I know I take the risk of them missing the birth this time around, I want that moment where you know "it's time" and it's unexpected. Another thing is, I just want it to be Brandon and I. I have loved having the support of my family for every birth, but the process becomes so chaotic and busy with so many people and I feel the pressure to somewhat "entertain" everyone while they just sit in my room and stare at me. I'm not going to lie, it's not my favorite.
One HUGE thing that will be different this time around is that I don't want to find out the sex of the baby. This is such a departure from the norm. I may be the most impatient human on the face of the earth. I want what I want when I want it.
I'm fully aware that made me sound like a brat. I swear I'm not. most of the time.
Having to wait 9 months to find out will be hard, but this may be my last chance to experience that moment. I think it will be really sweet and just add to the whole experience.
Obviously things change. Who knows what I will be feeling when the time comes.
Have a wonderful day today ladies.